Often times my mind runs rapid in thought. At the hour of sunset, these thoughts intensify, keeping me from a restful slumber. I’m often haunted by profound images from my anxiety, (more about this in future posts) and cursed with vile visuals, I never thought of imagining. This series titled Akili Ya Ziada: The Abysmal Mind, follows the anomalous imagery of my dreams. In an attempt to make my dreams lucid, and remember their visuals, I write down short, rather spasmodic, passages of thought as they flash through my mind in the day. From there, I collect these thoughts and put them onto canvas.
My submersion in the ocean has been a common theme in my dreams. I find myself being tied down by strange beasts of the water. I attempt to escape this grasp, however I’m unsuccessful. I see a faceless community of others succumbing to the same fate. I wonder, “what could this symbolize?” Between having conversations with serpents of the ocean, who, would like me to entrust in them, and attempting to escape an uncertain captivity, I long for some reality.
I look forward to the nights where I stare at the midnight moon, however, they seem to be fleeting.
Like the left hand and right hand needing each other, I do find some form of balance between my dreams. I am at times blessed with dreams that are incredibly beautiful. As you can see with the above painting, Black Serenity. If I have to think about it, many of my paintings you see, are based off my dreams. However, does this good outweigh the bad? Hard to say. Like many artists of all forms, I sacrifice pieces of my own sanity to create something worth while to my viewers. While I miss a goodnight’s rest, I have also grown curious of what else is to be seen in the subconscious of my mind, so, I’ve begun to look forward to these dreams. A strange relationship it has become. Recently, I spent two weeks in constant unrest, with a heart rate of a 100 yard dasher, and anxiety so great I could of swore I was losing my mind. It was during this time I saw the visuals to create Akili Ya Zaida above. Followed by this were nights of peaceful rest, where I dreamed beautifully. As I continue to share my creations with you, I will let you as my viewer determine for yourself, which state of my subconsciousness produces the greater bodies of work.
I hope to control the balance of my dreams to aid in my body’s rest. Though I wonder if this will come at the price of losing creativity overtime. Dreams are not the only inspiration for my art, as is also the world around me. For my own sanity and health though, it’s my aim to gain back a goodnight’s rest.
I can only wish that my creativity doesn’t lose color and wither away, like a flower overtime.